I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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