They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
