TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
