i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
soo... how was my night?
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