he puts the penis in happiness.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
zippers are such a cool invention
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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