If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
