im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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