Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
