well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love having hate sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
