I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
