never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
