i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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