i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
