Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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