btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
