no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
