NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
