She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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