1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
