i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize