My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are a genius and a whore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
