How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
