I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I queefed so loud it echoed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
