If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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