Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to calm my uterus...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
