Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
