remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
