How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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