i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
