Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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