I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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