dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
