worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm at about main and main street
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
