He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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