so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
