well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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