By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
