i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
