we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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