Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
