May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
