you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
