you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am available for nakedness
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
