he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
