I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
