Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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