Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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