Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
