She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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