I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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