OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
