You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
