Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
