I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
