Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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