we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
