dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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