Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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