who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
