I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize