i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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