I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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