She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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