he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
