I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
