like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize