I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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