ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
