The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just invented taco cereal.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
