We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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