Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
