is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
