You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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