If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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