So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You are the jesus of drinking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
