it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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