I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
