I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize