Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
