the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
